Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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