your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
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