I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
