Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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