I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Best friends brother. Beat that.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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