So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize