PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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