I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize