he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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