according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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