I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
