And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
