yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
