I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
