Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
