Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I can't trust your balls anymore.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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