i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize