Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
This girl is more easily done than said...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
