Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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