He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
