How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
