Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
