she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
