All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
