Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just want to make out with him forever
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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