i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
