I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
