Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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