im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think your dad took our porno
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
