I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
