Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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