Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
