I showed him my bush... on skype.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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