3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I will die if light touches me.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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