So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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