Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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