I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
where does the pee come out of this thing
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
