I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I understand Curling. That high.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize