we have officially lost it.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
