Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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