i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
