What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize