He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
