question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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