He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize