they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
