Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
