Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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