It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
