It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
