Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
