i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
