Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize