HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
