And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
