Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
