Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
