i may or may not be watching the land before time
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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