anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
