Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
