I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
