i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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