I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Everyone says I win the strip club
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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