You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
