Porn is love you can see.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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