God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize