Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
people are starting to question the shark bite story
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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