My friends, they love my intelligence
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
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