There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
