My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
