Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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