I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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