as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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