the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
50% drunk capacity currently
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
