Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
