I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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